Warrior Writer

You know how in action movies, when Mr. Fighty Hero Guns Yeah must break into some computer’s mainframe (what does that even mean) and the music is all thumpy, and the camera’s zoomed in on his eyes, and one solitary trickle of sweat is snaking its way down his temple, and he gets to the point where one press of a button will change everything, and then –

— click —

— he presses it —

— everything’s quiet for a second –

— and then some building blows up?

Well, imagine all of that, only instead of Mr. Fighty Hero Guns Yeah, it’s me, and instead of hacking into the mainframe, it’s querying my dream agent.

Back to the drawing board

Last Friday, after three and a half months of finger-crossing, I received a verdict from the agent who was reading my first novel, Milo & Violet. Alas, it was a pass. My first agent rejection! Woo! I’m in the club! The reason she gave is that the book is too much a blend of genres, which is the least-negative reason I could possibly hope for, so that’s cool. Forging onwards!

When I started this process I made a vow that with every rejection I would treat myself to an éclair or some other form of scrumptious. Because something good should happen when you get The Big R, right? Right. Though I might just be looking for more excuses to eat éclairs.

“Grandma’s in the hospital? I’ll get the éclairs.”
“Oh gosh the toilet is overflowing. Better eat an éclair.”
“It’s Tuesday. Éclair!”

I call it an appling hook. Like a grappling hook, but for apples.

Aah! My last post got a lot of new followers to the blog. Thanks guys! You’re awesome! I guess people benefited from my sage advice. I really should charge money for this.

I’m feeling a bit of pressure to deliver something worthwhile for the new folks, to prove their click of the follow button wasn’t just a freak finger spasm. But what should I post about? I decided to compile a list of ideas for future blogging. They are:

1. Apples! What are my opinions on them?? How do they work??
2. A tutorial for how to put your pants on without getting one leg stuck in the hole and falling over. Still haven’t mastered this but perhaps I can blog about the learning process.
3. ………….
4. Apples again????

Tips on Writing REAL Real Good

Okay, writers. Grab your electrolytes-infused sports drink, because we’re about to karate chop some GREATNESS into your manuscript! Right now your “story” may feel more like a BORE-y, am I right? But with these ten simple tips, your book can become the belle of the bookshop, guaranteed.